Letters from China: Part 3

After my last stint on the computer (I was in the library of the Macau cultural centre that time, a far more civilised place than where I wrote my first 'un, an internet café full of little Chinese teenagers playing video games with the volume on high. A paradise for my Bracknell brothers, it sounded like a bad day in Grozny) Flo's mom convinced Sefu to give us a white crane lesson, A lot of horsing around, she kept on attacking Sefu with comedy kung fu and everyone was being a bit silly. Flo sees me doing things a bit wrong and picks up a broom to hit me but her mom makes her put it down. I like her mom. Basically white crane seems to revolve around principals of balance, if you throw a punch, you swing your arm behind you in a similar manner to counteract the forces. Interesting.
Next day me and the dude (Hung) go out alone in Macau, Flo's off to the temple with her mom again (she doesn't like the temple, those of you who know Florence should be aware that she is an incurable cynic and Chinese religion, based on but not totally Buddhism, requires pole vault size leaps of faith) Her birthday is tomorrow so I'm looking for a present. Can't stand buying presents. I can never get it right, so I usually just buy something crap as a joke (sorry Liz, dad, James and Rebecca) but her birthday falls on valentines day, so I can either kill two birds with one stone or be a naughty boyfriend twice on the same day. 
There are all these antique shops around that church facade thing in the old part of town and I figure I might find her a sword or something, an Idea that seems fanciful until I have a bit of luck. I get talking to this painter who has a shop that just sells his paintings, western style photorealism with Chinese themes for the most part, but this guy can paint most anything. Real good draughtsman. I'm talking through Hung (who is a lousy translator) about techniques with him and show him a postcard of my stuff. He says you'd starve if you tried that abstract stuff in Macau, I tell him bout showing in bars in London. It goes on like that a bit and he says he has a few more strings to his bow; otherwise he couldn't sit around painting in his shop. 
Hung mentions we're looking for an old long sword for a present, so the guy gets a bit animated and leads us down the street a bit. We go into an antique shop and down some stairs, and there he shows us the secret stash. 
Most of the antiques in the shops are replicas, everyone knows, and the shopkeepers are perfectly honest as to what's what. But this place is a museum. He's got shelves and shelves of grimy ancient stuff, Buddha’s with swastikas in their heads, those stamps they split so the emperor won't forget who the messenger is, and yes, about seven or eight swords. Bingo. There's a broken bronze one that's from round about 600bc, just a lump of corroded bronze really, a few bronze broad swords in better shape, a crazy bronze spearhead, some real nice butterfly swords, and oh yes, a long sword. Well, a short long sword. With a green sharkskin sheath. The guy pulls it out and seven brass (gold?) lugs in the blade he describes as 'seven stars' apparently denote authority upon the wielder of this blade, more a ceremonial prop than a war weapon, though it's still sharp and stiff enough to hack some people up I warrant. 
Fuck it. I wasn't gonna get the girl much, but it doesn't cost the world and I've been frugal to boot, plus it's blatantly the green destiny, and Flo's always reminded me of the naughty chick in that film. So after the guy proudly shows off his collection of antiquities (their hidden down there because the Chinese government is getting a bit cagey about selling off the country’s heritage) I leave the proud owner of a Ming dynasty kung fu sword. The little twelve year old inside me has a big fuck off grin on his face. We go down the road and pick up that stamp I had made from that other artist, he's none too happy to see me with what turns out to be his landlord, I gather he gets the rent for free there providing he coughs up half his profits. I like this painter guy. He knows how to rock it. Who would have thought that, on the other side of the world would be an older more established version of myself, buying and selling, dealing in property and all for the noble ends of fine art. The stamp rocks, I go home that day with the treasures of a civilisation under my arm.
Next morning we go back to Taipa, Florence is going to help Go teach Wu Shu sword. I gave her the green destiny that morning, luckily she loves it. Unluckily she goes running into her mainland Chinese mum & grumpy 88 year old mum's boyfriend's clinique shouting 'look what Abner got me for three thousand patakas!). Three thousand patakas is just shy of two bone English, not much in my country, but to a mainland Chinese middle aged lady... and for something not shiny and new... they's pissed off. I try to convey the western sense of antiquity to them, but alas to no avail, we end up escaping to Taipa hoping they'll cool off by the evening.
I was going to practice with Go, but the students are all between the ages of six and ten. And Chinese at that, which means they look like two year olds. So I just watch. They are in a Chinese garden and the youngest kid is so cute swinging his sword around like that I just want to put him on a key chain and keep him. Chinese kids are cuter than western kids, they're smaller, well behaved, dressed up like hipsters, and for some reason they don't get that runny nose thing European kids get. I don't practice, I watch a bit, walk around, watch some more and then they have me take some group photos. Go's a feisty teacher; I think that's where Florence gets her mean streak. She's the bad cop, and she gets a few older students like Flo to play good cop.
Later Florence goes to buy some cloths and I don't want to waste any more money, so I go play video games in the arcade. They still have proper arcades here, full of hip Chinese kids, even girls, and all the latest games. 
I get on the Virtual Fighter machine and, after dispatching the computers first two half hearted attempts to defeat me, the screen flashes 'challenger comes' uh oh, I kiss my two patakas goodbye, I doubt I'm up to defeating a teenager, let alone one of these game junkies in China. But who knows? Kage Muru has been known to work miracles in the past, and I've figured out most of his moves. 
The next forty-five minutes are grim. Kage defeats challenger after challenger, the crème of Macau's youth lie slaughtered at his feet. Again and again his throughty voice comes out with ''yamuuu'' as my Chinese friends fund my hours entertainment with their Patakas. I put my sunglasses on and leave when my time comes, whooped ass in a Chinese arcade. Rock & roll.
That night we went shopping. Chinese kids don't drink. They don't smoke either. What do they do? They go shopping. The stores open at 1pm and close at 10pm, because that's the nightlife. That's why they all look so hip; I bet it's more so in Japan. Nutty scene, loads of haircuts and combat pants with useless suspender like things hanging off everywhere. It's cool though; it means young hipster clothes are cheaper than other cloths here, in the west it's the other way around. I joined in and bought some trousers and we ate some fish balls and a fruity fruit drink. (The fruit drink guy sees me so much we've exchanged names. He's called Jason) everyone recognises the big westerner. I'm the only westerner I've seen yet who doesn't look like some wack gap year backpacker or a sex tourist. I may look like a cunt, but it's a different category.
Went up to the top of Macau tower today, it had those glass oblivion floors that are so hard to walk on the first time. It was cloudy, but the view was still nice. Small city, tall but small. Sort of like Hong Kong I guess. That's how I found my way here you see, Flo's gone to the mainland to by underwear with her friend, and I couldn't find this place. The tower has climbing nuggets on the side of it, but that bit was closed. Pity.
Got to go now, enjoy the cold weather!!